


Starlight

by starsdontdisappear



Category: ONE OK ROCK
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 08:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19741960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsdontdisappear/pseuds/starsdontdisappear
Summary: Taka always wanted to know what it would feel like to love. But circumstances weren’t in his favor.





	Starlight

**Author's Note:**

> I uploaded screenshots of this fic on my igs and told a mutual that I’d be posting this here “later.” Apparently, later means days/weeks later in my vocabulary LOL
> 
> Anyway, this is a lame attempt at writing a soulmate au for toruka so forgive me if this will make you cringe along the way. 
> 
> I only typed this on iphone note and didn’t proofread at all. PROPER CAPITALIZATION? I don’t know her. HAHA!
> 
> Song I listened to while writing this:  
> Timeless - NCT U

the stars in the sky aligned brightly on the night taka’s parents vowed to stay together, in sickness and in health. he was 7 when he first saw what true love looks like. he remembers it; the way their eyes lit up and shine. and he knew, he wanted the same love someday. the same happiness. the same contentment. 

at 15, his mother told him that by the time he turns 18, he would eventually feel the strong tugging of the red string tied onto his finger, the other end tied to his soulmate. he believed it- it was true for his mother and father. 

until it happened. when he turned 16, his world began to crash when his parents filed for separation. he had been seeing the stars beginning to fade; its light no longer as bright as it used to be. his mother would cry every time and his father had gone. 

he stopped believing in soulmates.

sometimes he’d find himself crying, gloom taking over his system. no matter how many times his mother had convinced him, he felt all the same. sad and miserable. he knew his stars had completely lost their spark, and there was no way someone out there would find him to light them up again. to fill the void so he didn’t have to feel that empty. 

on days when his mother felt a little lighter than usual, she’d tell him the story of her own soulmate. but of course he knew how it ended; how in the end, no matter how strong it was in the beginning, the finish line always awaited by the end of the trail like a bad omen. and so, he thought why would he care at all if they all end up badly anyway?

eventually, the gloom continued to creep up their household as his mother decided she couldn’t keep up with all the school expenses, so taka had to fend for himself. 

he worked two part time jobs at the age of 21 to sustain his college expenses including rent for the apartment he had rented near the university. exhaustion showed in his face.

he remembered his mother telling him that at the age of 21, one will start to feel the emotions and feelings of their soulmate. it comes in most unexplainable ways and times. like sudden jolt of sadness or excitement that one can’t seem to explain. but all he had been feeling was dread and apprehension of being oblivious towards the time ahead. 

what if there was no one on the other end of the red string?

he brushed off the thought knowing quite well that other things were far more important than finding love. but he would be a hypocrite and a liar if he’d say he didn’t wish for it. things were just getting bad around him, and finding someone who would carry the world with him didn’t sound like a bad idea.

the dread continued to build its house in taka’s chest as he grew apart from his mother to decide to live by himself altogether, leaving behind his past in an attempt to grow by his own. he never came home and never communicated with anyone else again. it wasn’t all that bad. he had people he can call friends in the university. but they all had their own lives to live. as soon as classes ended, ryota and tomoya went home to their own homes, takeru had found his other end of the red string tied onto haruma, and shohei with mirei. 

taka was alone again. 

it’s cloudy amidst taka’s horizon and at night, still no stars shone. it even reflected in the songs he would sing in the bar where he was working as a singer. one time, the manager had commented on his bleakness, so he forced himself to sing some other songs that had sounded less miserable to his previous songs. 

months after his decision to leave, he began feeling the world closing in on him. managing his expenses was so much tougher than what he had imagined. he would look in the mirror and notice the dark circles under his eyes and his hair, disheveled. he looked tired and happiness had gone out of his eyes. 

the next thing he did was to put out flyers in the campus to look for a roommate who’d share the cost of apartment rent. he had placed it in bulletin boards in hallways and even at the bar where he worked hoping someone would actually rescue him. he decided to quit his afternoon part time job as a waiter in a restaurant and had chosen the singing job. 

music was his life. without it, he didn’t know how he could have survived. whatever light feeling he was still feeling was attributed to music, and music alone. but he never had the courage to sing in the university and hid behind the curtains while another person performed the songs he made. every time he made music, his heart tightened in a good way. it was overwhelmed and full, and he’d wish someone somewhere had also been feeling the same lightness he did. if what his mother told him was true, they would definitely feel it. 

it was a sunny afternoon on a saturday and he was lying on his bed when the doorbell rang. he rushed to the front door, opened it, and there he saw, sparkling bright, Yamashita Toru. he could hear from the distance the mischievous imaginary laugh from Tomoya, something that sounds like teasing. 

it’s actually Toru, standing by his door. Toru, the most gorgeous guitar player in the music department of their university. 

“No shit. It’s actually you,” Toru blurted out when he saw taka open the door for him. “You know at first i was hesitant when i saw the flyers. of course i thought it could be you, but what are the chances that it’s actually you. Taka! Music production? I’m sorry I know I’m saying so much, I’m just...just...relieved.” 

taka could feel the burning sensation in his cheeks. he never talked to toru before, but they’d been introduced and had one or two classes in the past. 

he must have looked so shocked because toru began checking if he was ok, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. it was surreal to see toru standing at his doorstep. 

“You’re here for the roommate ad?” he finally found his voice. 

“Yes? Mind if I check it?” 

“oh no. come in.” 

he stood by the door of his apartment while toru scanned the place. taka’s a neat freak so his music sheets were well-arranged in a tray on his study table, his keyboard (which he bought after several paychecks) was dust-free and beside it was his white acoustic guitar. the bed was also fixed in a way that looked like nobody had laid on it that day. the only color in the room was the picture in a frame that settled in a corner of his study table, the rest where black and white. 

“i like it,” toru said as his eyes continued to roam around the apartment. “when can i move in?” 

“up to you. just let me know so i can make enough space for your stuff,” taka replied casually. 

there’s a fluttering feeling in his chest, and he looked at toru and the man was smiling in awe. he felt light but shrugged it off. 

“i’ll move in tonight. i’m just staying over at my friend’s. i’ll get my stuff and come back, is that ok with you?” toru asked with gleaming eyes. he smiled when taka nodded in agreement. “great.”

“my number is in the flyers, so just text me when you’re on your way.” 

the first week with toru went by so fast that taka didn’t even notice the number of days that had gone. he’d quite memorized toru’s routine somehow. 

in the morning, toru’s alarm would go off at nine in the morning when taka was already awake and prepped up. toru would eat his breakfast first, which taka had cooked in the condition that toru pays 70% of the cost of the groceries, before he would take a shower and prepare for school. there was nothing special, except that he felt a certain amount of weight lifted off of his chest. he finally had someone to wake up to in the morning, although not in that way, but still. 

sometimes he’d catch himself play a happy tone on his keyboard instead of a gloomy one, and toru would beam at him from his side of the room. 

one time, toru wasn’t able to stop himself anymore when he heard taka play a cheerful melody on his keyboard, so he dragged his swivel chair towards the smaller man, his guitar on his lap. 

“that’s a nice tune. mind if we make that into a full song?” toru suggested. 

taka’s cheeks burned red and he fidgeted when toru looked at his music sheet. 

“sure.”

that was the first night they’ve shared something more intimate than a simple meal in the morning. 

but the darkness didn’t leave taka. there were still nights when he’d find himself trembling when his mother and father’s demise visited his dreams. the feeling of abandonment clouded his head and the next thing he knew, he was bawling in his pillow, muffling his cries so toru won’t hear him. 

the next day, he looked exhausted and though he didn’t let toru see, toru knew it. so the taller man began doing little things for taka hoping that they would somehow help taka open up to him. 

he began waking up earlier than taka to make their breakfast. and though he wasn’t at all that good with how the kitchen works, he tried his best and taka appreciated every bit of it. 

he made it a point for taka to know that he was there when taka would sing in the bar where he worked. he made sure he was listening. and when taka would finish his set, his eyes would always land onto toru’s direction where the tall guy sat by himself, applauding him. 

they jammed more often at night when toru observed that taka smiled more often when he was making music. the melodies were becoming more endearing and just...light. 

and toru was beginning to feel it. 

one night, he came home with a box of strawberry cake and take-out dinner. taka looked at him suspiciously since they’d always divide the cost in two, but that night, apparently, was different. 

“are we celebrating something?” taka asked as he looked at the feast on the table. 

“nothing in particular. i just feel...happy. i don’t know. anything good for you today?” toru responded.

they sat themselves across from each other. 

“uhm...my composition got the highest mark in class today,” taka said shyly, avoiding the look toru was giving him.

“oh my god! so that explains it!” toru exclaimed, too excited and happy. 

happy, happy, happy. 

they talked and ate for minutes til minutes turned to an hour or so and toru was running out of stories to tell before he could ask taka. 

“what is it?” taka asked when he noticed toru looking so intently at him. 

toru smiled shyly before he asked. 

“i’m just wondering if you have found your soulmate already. there. i said it,” toru uttered, pink spreading on his cheeks. 

the jazz music from taka’s phone was loud in the background. 

“i don’t know if i have one. i mean, i’m a mess so my hypothetical soulmate might have already cut off his other end of the red string,” taka blurted. “so yea, the answer is no.”

“bullshit,” toru deadpanned. “you’re selling yourself short again.” 

“you don’t have to be nice to me, toru. you’ve seen my bad side. well, maybe a bit of it. but you wouldn’t wanna see me when it gets worst,” taka replied, poking the bits on cake on his plate. 

“stop speaking for me,” the tall man replied, this time sounding serious that it confused the singer. “i’m not just being nice to you just because. i’m nice to you because that’s just how i am. because it feels right. because you deserve nice things, too. because it’s what i like to do.” 

“why are you getting so worked up over this? i’m ok by myself,” taka said. 

toru leaned forward. 

“if you were alright, then why do i feel hurt, too? i always hear you when you cry, taka. and i hate that you’re hurt. but you can’t feel that i’m here. I’m here, Taka. Why can’t you let me in?” 

there was silence around the room. 

“i like you, taka. i’m happy when you smile, and i can’t promise that i’ll make you smile all the time, but i know i will be here when you can’t.”

taka felt his tears well up. in his sky, the stars began to sparkle a little. 

“i can’t drag you down with me,” taka said. 

“you will have your bad days, taka. but you don’t have to deal with them alone,” toru responded as he reached for taka’s hands, the tips of their fingers almost touching. 

“i’m only going to hurt you.” 

“i’m willing to take the risk.” 

when taka smiled through his tears, toru knew that everything was alright. the clouds has cleared up in their sky, and amidst it, a few stars began to sparkle. 

bright, bright, bright. 

on their first night being a couple, toru asked if he could take taka in his arms. it sent shivers along taka’s spine. he wasn’t used to such affection, not to mention that the last embrace he could ever remember getting was from his mother when she told him his father was leaving and he wouldn’t stop crying. not entirely a pleasant memory. he had forgotten how nice it could feel, if it’s nice to begin with. touch had become foreign to him. 

he breathed deeply before allowing himself to be enveloped inside toru’s arms and it was the closest their hearts had been. taka was almost crying happy tears and all toru had to do was to kiss him in the forehead and he let the soft whimpers go.

toru didn’t say it yet, though. he was scared, too, that he was the only one. so he remained the kind person that he was to his boyfriend. doing the usual things he did for taka while his chest continued to bubble up with strong feelings. he didn’t know exactly when to say it or how he could even muster up the courage to say it to taka.

it was the midterm season and taka was in the middle of finalizing the song he was going to submit for his major subject. he was focused on his device, back facing the guitarist who was killing his time strumming his guitar. toru was set to have a recital as well, but he’s been rehearsing his piece for weeks that he’s basically perfected it. he’s turning tired from repeating the same routine— pretending to study for his other subjects, pretending to practice his piece, pretending to sleep, pretending to do other things just so he could divert himself from spluttering whatever nonsense to taka. he watched taka’s head bob to the music he was listening to in his headphones and he still couldn’t believe that after years of feeling the light tug in his heartstrings, taka was with him, finally. 

“Toru, I can sense your gaze even with my back turned against you,” the singer said, shoulders shaking from snickering.

“Is that bad? I’m just watching my boyfriend doing the thing he loves,” he replied. 

other times, he would wake up to the sound of taka singing in the morning and he’d hop from his bed to find taka in the kitchen. it would take a few seconds for him to marvel at the image of taka in front of him and his heart would flutter in utter happiness and contentment. after taking it in, he walked to the vocalist to hug him from behind, attempting to say something from sighing deeply instead and kissing taka in his neck. 

“if you haven’t been doing that for weeks, i could’ve had stabbed you with this fork. but i guess i’ve memorized your actions that i don’t get surprised anymore,” taka said as he tilted his head a bit to place a peck on toru’s cheek.

“i love mornings like this with you,” toru whispered before pulling away.

he had been doing that a lot of times in the past weeks. he’d look at taka and felt his heart clumping, tightening so bad that it hurt in a good way. he wished he could say it though, he really did. but every time he opened his mouth to say it, he would say something else like “i love the way you cook” or “i love the song you made.” 

he had never said it to anyone else before, in a completely romantic way, that is. toru was frightened that if he ever would say it, it would only be in vain. not that he didn’t trust taka totally to reveal all of him to the singer. but the feelings he had was so strong that it scared him he would suffocate taka. 

so instead of saying it, he settled with telling taka he loved the little details he saw in him- like his ear-to-ear smile or the sound of the keys as taka pressed a note. and that was enough for him. 

during the taka’s recital night, he and toru went to the AVP room together with many other students. toru sat a few rows near the stage; the better to hear taka’s composition played by someone else. he had heard it first of course, but he was going to listen to it with taka beside him for the first time. the fruit of taka’s labor being performed by somebody else in front of an audience. toru would give everything to see taka performing it in that huge crowd, without a mask on his face or looking down. 

someday, someday.

“you’re more nervous than I am,” taka said, flashing a smile at his boyfriend.

“i’ve seen you perform in that bar many times, but this one’s different because you made the song. if only...,” toru’s voice faded. 

“if only what?”

“if only you would finally perform in front of all these people, it would really be great,” toru continued and taka felt his cheeks warming up. 

he left toru to huddle with his classmates minutes before the show began. toru was the confident type— he’s popular after all. nothing could really make him nervous. but there he was, nervous for taka more than taka could even feel for himself, and he smiled at himself when he realized the scope of emotions that taka had been making him feel. 

when the lights were turned off, he straightened up to get a better view of the student performer. his heart nearly jumped out of his chest when a familiar figure got on the center of a stage where a high stool stood. taka, in his suit and tie, sat on the stool, a white mic stand in front of him. toru couldn’t believe it and he had to pinch himself to confirm that what he was seeing was true. 

when taka voiced out his first note, toru had to bite his tongue to stop himself from tearing up. the music arrangement that taka had wholeheartedly created was undeniably beautiful. but taka’s voice was what stood out and echoed all over the hall. the students were all surprised to finally hear the voice behind the producer of the songs they’d been hearing whenever the music college had recitals. even taka had to mentally pinch himself to affirm the surreality of the moment. he wanted to cry. he searched for toru in the sea of people and it didn’t take a long time for him to find the guitarist. gratitude was what he felt. he was there, strong enough to face the people because toru was there, too. he knew that at least there’s one out of the many people that loved him when he couldn’t even love himself. it’s enough — enough to make him feel like he was on top of the world and toru would be there beside him, holding his hand no matter what. 

the lightness in toru’s heart was so overwhelming and he couldn’t help but smile knowing it was what taka was feeling. taka was delighted. taka was content. 

and so was toru. 

maybe saying it didn’t matter as much as toru had been thinking. because when he looked at taka and when their eyes met, he knew taka felt the same. words weren’t needed for validation. 

someday, maybe, they’d utter the words. 

the stars in taka’s horizon were brighter — brighter than it had been before. his mother was right. some days, it would be so strong, so extreme; he knew there would be days when the starlights would flicker. but that’s reality, and in his version of reality, toru would be there to fill the brightness of his sky when his lights wouldn’t be enough anymore. 

finally, the stars had aligned.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the least I could write, not that anybody’s been anticipating for updates on my other fics. 
> 
> Hong Kong was super humid, and so was Macau. I ran out of money at the end of the trip with only 1HKD left in my wallet LMAO
> 
> No fics were ever started during the whole 5 days I was in HK/Macau because we were out most of the time, and I was always tired. 
> 
> Anyhoooo, thanks for reading this! Please leave a comment ehe 
> 
> xx


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